Dear Thorin
by ImperialBoredom
Summary: A short series of letters from a hobbit to the king he cannot accept.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Thorin,_

_If you are reading this, you know that I am gone. I'm sure that you are sending search parties out to look for me. I know you hope that I haven't gotten too far from Erebor. You'll find that I'm well beyond your reach. No search party will be able to find me or any trace of me. I'll be a ghost upon the roads and a specter amongst the trees. You will find nothing of me._

_I wish I didn't have to resort to such drastic measures, but you left me no other choice. Leaving is the best thing I can do. There is no bond that will bring me back to Erebor. I am not your Consort-in-Waiting. I am not your future betrothed. I can be nothing to you. I know you're thinking of a rebuttal to these words. I'm sure you think that my nerves have gotten the better of me. After all, you announced our engagement to the entire court without consulting me. You likely think I'm just angry. To be honest, I am angry. I'm angry that you took matters into your own hands without realizing the consequences. Thorin, I __**cannot**__ be yours! I can never be yours. If we were to be married, you would begin to realize this. My heart would be beyond your promises of fidelity and love. No riches or glory would ever coax it into your hands. It would remain locked away, pining for the love denied it. You would grow angry with me. I know you would think I was being unfaithful. So I must take steps to ensure your sanity and my safety. The best way I can do that is to explain something you are familiar with._

_You see, Thorin, we hobbits have Ones too. You have soul-runes. We have soul-marks. A soul-mark is a precious thing to a hobbit. We bear our mark on the palms of our left hands. They come in a variety of different forms, but some are common. For example, someone destined for a Took or Brandybuck will bear the crest of that family on their palm. Most of the time, the marks are faint. We can see them and know what their shape is. Yet it takes being in the presence of our One to bring the mark to life. A mark will color into a rainbow when it's close to its mate. My father's mark colored on the way home from the market. It remained steady all the way to the gate. It took him looking behind him to find my mother following him. They had bumped into each other at the market. She followed him to make sure it was his mark hers responded to and not someone else's. _

_We hobbits guard our marks carefully. We dare not risk forcing a mark to accept one it doesn't belong to. To force a bond is a high crime in the Shire. To accept someone who isn't our mate brings forth consequences too numerous to name here. Hobbits do not look kindly on those who renounce their mate because of lust or fancy. Do not think we are being too narrow-minded, Thorin. I myself have seen what becomes of hobbits who ignore their marks and accept someone else and those who try to force a bond. It is not something pleasant. Yet what sends me running is not my hobbit sensibilities._

_You see, Thorin, my mark met its mate. It met it at the worst possible moment. I don't know what I'd done to be punished that way, but my soulmate is dead. I do not know if they ever knew I was their One. My other half will never know me. My heart will never be complete. You can never fill the jagged void left behind, Thorin. There is nothing in Erebor that will ever fill the void. So I take my leave of you and your kingdom. I pray you find your One. Find your happiness, Thorin, for it will never be found in me. _

_Bilbo_

_P.S.: Do not assume someone in the Company stole my heart. One, my mark never colored around any of the others. Two, all of them are alive._

_Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_

_Dear Kili,_

_I'm sure you're surprised to find this. I was sorely tempted to leave just my note to your uncle. Yet I felt it wise to leave one for you. Do not think my anger has blinded me._

_Despite how fond I am of you, I cannot excuse your insistent whimsies. I begged you, __**I BEGGED YOU**__, to not whisper in your uncle's ear. I begged you not to exacerbate his growing infatuation. For that is what it is, Kili. Your uncle is simply infatuated with me. I do not know how you mistook this for love. Why did you have to be a foolish romantic? Why could you not see that I cared for your uncle as a friend? That care will never blossom into love. I know you think I'm denying my feelings, but what I say is true. My heart cannot accept Thorin. If you were present when my note to him was discovered, you will hear why._

_Do not think that I could grow to love your uncle. For a hobbit, no other can fill the void left behind by a dead soulmate. I pray you will realize this in due time. Until then, do not assume I will be found. I especially hope you will not encourage your uncle's infatuation._

_Bilbo_

_P.S.: Fili: try to be the sensible one. Try to make them see I will be the cause of misery._


	2. Letter from the East

Dear Thorin,

I had hoped your infatuation with me would fade in my absence. I had hoped these weeks would make you see sense. Alas, someone somewhere seems to hate me. If this last week has taught me anything, it's that you lack advisors with good sense. It seems Fili disregarded my plea and sided with his brother. Pity, really. He seemed the most likely to be the voice of reason.

First off, don't bother sending search parties to where I am. To be clear, I really have no idea where I am. I'm being serious, Thorin. I truly have no clue where I am. All I can say is that I'm in a settlement somewhere in the east. The people are a wary lot, but they didn't throw me out immediately. I guess it had something to do with my appearance. After weeks of travel, I looked like a beggar. My hair was bird's nest. My clothes were dirty from travel and the hair on my feet needed a proper trim and wash. The people allowed me entry. So far, they've kept me at arm's length. I guess they wonder when I'll leave. They won't have to worry much longer. By the time you get this, I'll be long gone.

Travel allowed me time to think. I thought of Bag End and how my ravenous relations were fighting over it. I thought of Erebor and how reconstruction must be going. Yet the focus of my thoughts remained with you. Don't think I pined for your arms. I thought of where our friendship went so wrong. I pondered every moment, seeking where you began to fall for me. I realized that this mess began after Azog. My determination to save you regrettably looked like the opening salvo of a courtship. I thought our hug was purely out of gratitude. I analyzed the tightness of your arms and the sheen in your eyes. In my relief, I failed to notice the stirrings of desire. From that point, I mistook growing lust for gratitude and friendship. It wasn't until I caught Kili whispering in your ear that I realized the full scope of the situation.

I wonder how you are. You're likely angry with me and the search parties. I know you thought I would be easy to find. As I told you previously, you would find nothing of me. I believe you sent search parties in the direction of the Shire. In truth, I took a less-known path off Erebor. I encountered few dwarves on this road. When I did, I kept hidden until I knew I was safe. Once off the mountain, I allowed my feet to carry me away. Don't be too hard on the search parties. It's not their fault they were looking in the wrong direction.

I'd hoped time would give you pause to think of what I said in the letter I left for you. I'd hoped someone in your court would make you see sense. Apparently, no one has the guts to speak against your wishes. I know this because I know of the reward you've offered up. Yes, word of it has reached the East. The settlement is trading partners with a larger one near a river. After weeks of regularity, the settlement erupted with interest. I listened to the whispers and found myself wanting to throttle you. The residents whispered of a mountain king seeking his runaway intended. The intended had foolish ideas in their head and decided to run off. After weeks of searching, the king was offering a chest of gold to anyone who returned the runaway.

After reading this, I'm sure you're thinking someone would have put the pieces together. You'll be chagrined to know no one looked twice at me. I think they thought your intended was a dwarf. They didn't even realize they were speaking of me. I don't think they know of hobbits, Thorin. If they do, they must have a different word for us. In truth, I don't think they're familiar with us. That's a fact I'm grateful for.

I'm sure you're wondering where I'll go next. I know you desire my return. I will never return to Erebor, not as long as you cling to your infatuation. I beg you to think, Thorin. Do not allow this infatuation to become an obsession. There will never be a happy ending for us. There is someone who awaits you. Listen to the rune instead of your desire. I will reunite with my One in death. I will enjoy their love when I have finished the mortal world. This may make you angry, but it's the truth. My One awaits me in another world. If the fates had been kinder, I would have followed them during the Battle. I would embrace them with all the love a hobbit possesses. We would never be parted. Alas, I must wait for that day.

I hope this letter find you well.

Bilbo

P.S.: To Fili and Kili: I pray that you will see sense one day. Your uncle is chasing promises I can never make. Cling not to your affection. Break through his walls and help him realize he will end up with a broken heart if he continues to pursue me.


	3. Notes from Umbar

Dear Thorin,

I pray this letter finds you well. I did not mean to go months without sending something, but events here made it impossible to send anything. I truly apologize for any worry the delay may have caused. I will try to keep my scolding to a minimum. I know you're hoping I have returned to parts known so you may send a party to retrieve me. It would be for nothing. You dwarves may wander far, but not far enough to find me. What I am about to say will not please you, but at this precise moment I could care less.

As of this writing, I am in Umbar. That's right: Umbar. To be more specific, I am in a port city along southern Umbar's coastline. I honestly don't know how to pronounce the name, but the translation of it is, "Gate of the Watching Sea Beast." If Ori is still in Erebor, have him to a little research. I wish I had the time and parchment to describe this city. It really is a wondrous place. Yet the politics of neighboring cities has brought this place low. I cannot properly describe the situation as letters and parcels are being routinely searched. I have no clue what they're looking for, but know any ill word results in a person being taken for "questioning." If the injuries I've seen are the result of such actions, I must be careful.

I'm sure you're wondering how I managed to get to Umbar from where I was last time. It's a long story. All I can say is that it involves hostages, a lost treasure, another dragon, and the Blue Wizards. (If Gandalf should ever grace Erebor with an appearance, tell him Alatar and Pallando say hello and that it's Saruman's fault they never made it home. They also understand why I fled. They saw my soul-mark and divined who my One was.) Let it be known that I truly despise ships. Especially ones that belong to pirates and get into pirate battles over pirate booty. Speaking of which, I am now the proud owner of a small chest of pirate loot that I've hidden in the city.

I do not know how long it will take for this letter to find you. There's no bird that could survive the journey from here to Erebor. I'm sneaking this aboard a merchant ship that's heading back north. I hope the man I dealt with will remember our deal. I gave him a piece of my treasure, so he better not negate our deal.

I do hope you are well. I especially hope time has allowed you to think. You must realize by now that I will never return to you. I pray someone will finally have a clear head to make you understand this. I hope you will accept the branch of friendship for that is all I can give you. Please realize the truth of my words. I do not know what dwarven law you will try to use as weight against my denials, but they will not work. I cannot be yours for my heart lies dead with someone else.

Bilbo

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dear Thorin,

This is just a quick note. I send this to you from a ship heading north. I've beheld violence the Battle cannot rival. War erupted between rivals and the port city paid dearly for its location. I managed to find passage aboard this ship. I used my treasure chest to pay for my passage and that of a few others. I bitterly regret that I could not help more. I offer this warning. Do not assume I will be found easily. Should you still cling to your infatuation with me, I know will send parties out to find me. I do not know where I will end up, but know it will not be anywhere near you.

Bilbo.


End file.
